Newcastle Menace

Touch down in Newcastle,

1st conflict with Lee, in a few while now. Suddenly, the question marks are coming from his direction. The focus was set on why I hadn’t wanted to move to Newcastle, and basically how absurd my reasons for this decision were.
Between the emotional upheaval and soul bleeding comments we threw at each other, the accusation of the existence of a certain ‘somebody else’ surfaced. Although the true me was already sentenced guilty for life in a mental prison, I stuck myself with the denial which suited me fine. To Lee, as a sweet and fragile Capricorn, the denial was a straight up self-revelation of guilt. I don’t know how that actually worked, but in the end he thought that he was guilty for my not being able to spend more time with him.
That time I really sympathize for him. He cares for me, and even at rare times when he didn’t exclaim it blatantly, I can see it through his eyes. I know my hobby of an affair is hurting him without us noticing, but it has naturally taken over my mind. I did think about the fact that it’ll be over once Paul returns to New York, though as now it is still happening, then it is still eating Lee slowly.
Throughout the times that I have been involved in a fight with a guy I’m involved with, I never felt quite the way I felt when I was facing Lee with a grimace. That time, I really felt like I’m brittle and breakable, and the worse thing was; there’s absolutely nothing I could do to change it. I felt as if the muscles under my neck can strain so hard that I’ll suffocate to death myself. If this were not the way to put it, then dying would certainly fit the picture. When Lee exited the living room to calm himself down, it felt as if the air inside of me suddenly ceases to exist, leaving me groping desperately for breath. At that point, all the success and the blitz and glory of my life faded behind the hopeless strive of finding the cure of my seconds of frailness; Lee. No matter how exciting or mysteriously fun my affair have been, I realize that the world would be a strange airless space without Lee’s existence.